Bieber & Jesus

A few weeks ago, I was in Minneapolis trying to kill time before boarding my flight home. Someone had suggested I spend my extra hours at the Mall of America, and without a lot of other ideas, I plugged it into my GPS, turned up the radio, and started driving. What I failed to take into consideration was the possibility of Justin Bieber coming on the radio as I tried to follow directions. I used to think multi-tasking was a strength of mine, but after having gone in 3 giant circles that day, I'm forced to admit this strength gets cancelled out if I'm singing at the top of my lungs while daydreaming of being a teenage popstar heartthrob. But it's a talent I'm willing to work on.

Needless to say, Mall of America was not going to happen. Instead I stumbled upon the entrance to Minnehaha Falls, a ridiculously beautiful park that runs along the Mississippi and is home to millions of colorful trees. It was October 1st, and in true fall fashion, every tree in that park knew what to do. Even the ferns were bright hues of orange and red, waving in the Autumn breeze. Lost never felt so good. It had been a long week, and my heart hadn't been able to shake a certain anxious feeling. I parked my rental car and hoped maybe a stroll around this place would cure my anxiety.

As I walked through those trails, I tried to soak up as much as I could. Every step was more breathtaking than the one before it, but I still didn't feel any better. Without Justin Bieber to drown my thoughts or get me lost, all I could hear were questions I didn't want to think about.  Eventually, I found myself sitting on a wall facing the Mississippi River and in a last ditch effort, I got out my Bible. I didnt know what I wanted to read that morning, but I decided to start in Psalms. King David was like the Dr Doolittle of plants. He somehow knew when even the rocks were praising God, and I figured his insights might be fitting while I sat among some of fall's best fashion. I opened my Bible right in the middle unsure where to begin. My only plan was to search for the words "plant" or "tree" and go from there. Instead, the first words my eyes landed on were Psalms 116:7: 

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." 

That anxious feeling was wide awake as I stared at the page.  I just kept reading those words, first to myself, then out loud, over and over again.  Then I went back to the beginning of the chapter and read it start to finish. My mind starting flooding with memories of times in my life God has been good to me. I mean when He really, truly showed up for me in a way I couldnt do for myself, and even in ways others couldn't do for me. I started thinking of all the sweet ways he's loved me through people who were never "supposed" to love me. People who I never biologically belonged to, but who loved me better than they loved themselves.

Then I started thinking about pain I've experienced and about dumb decisions I've made, and what it means that God never, ever left me. As I started remembering each example, I kept picturing myself back in those moments, only I also tried to picture Jesus standing next to me in each one. I saw Him hugging me when my heart was broken, when my parents divorced, when my grandma died. I saw Him bending down to pick me back up when I had disobeyed and dug myself into a hole. In each instance, I was acutely aware of how God never left me. Even when I was being an idiot. Even when at the time I felt alone or scared or sad beyond measure.

And then I started thinking about joyful times. I pictured Him celebrating with me when I was jumping up and down in the kitchen cause I was accepted into Vanguard (you'd think it was Yale). Then I imagined Him singing Happy Birthday to me, and cheering me on in moments I was brave, and I saw Him delighting in the good friendships He's generously given me. I even started to recognize how laughter has found me almost every day of my life and wondered how often Jesus must be laughing too. 

I've always loved this verse from Zephaniah, but I've never actually tried picturing God doing these things for me personally:

"The LORD your God is in your midst,

a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing."

Have you tried that lately? Recalling specific times when God has been good to you? If you're like me, you might take them for granted and the instant something goes wrong in the present forget every way He's come through for you so far. We're so quick to feel forsaken when we're in pain.

Turns out, instead of searching for an instant fix to my circumstances, what I needed was to focus my thoughts on Jesus. So Justin Bieber, if you're out there, thanks. Bieber Fever made me forego Mall of America, and instead I had a chance to realize the Psalmist was right: My soul found rest as I remembered the Lord's goodness.