2016 Gold or Bust

I've never been able to do the splits, run very fast, or sport a swim cap well, but last night, over a bottle of wine, my roommate and I both decided we were gonna start training for the 2016 Olympics. Best I can tell, Olympians need several key components to go all the way. Let's review my long list of athletic qualifications: 

1) Must Be Team Player: 9 years of little league softball. BOOM.

2) Must Be Bad Ass: Ran an entire 1/2 marathon once and thought hard about maybe doing it again.

3) Must Have Passion: I can be found in my living room at least 3x a year cursing loudly at Jillian Michaels.

4) Must Be Willing To Sacrifice: A thing I definitely know about. One summer, when I was 12 years old, my friend and I hosted a diving contest in my backyard. We were the only competitors, (okay, and the only judges) but it was fierce. The final dive was on me, and I had to make it count. I brought out the big guns and prepared to perfectly execute the ever inspirational "Pocahontas Dive". With a running start, I flew off the diving board, arms spread eagle, and finished in perfect form with no splash. It was flawless. Only problem was, upon hitting the water, I lost my 2 front teeth to the bottom of the pool. But... I still won.

(See? Both of them are fake. The teeth, people, just the teeth.)

5) Must Possess Natural Talent: Cartwheels. Need I say more?

 

If that's not something to work with, I don't know what is. Here I come, America.